Monday, March 21, 2016

The Author Bios

 :
I write books about lace curtains. Please don't ask me why.

  

      I dream of being an author.

     That is, I guess I'm an author now, since I've written stories and that sort of makes me an author. I'm not an aspiring writer -- I write, therefore I am a writer. (Well, hey, that's a happy thought!) But I dream of being a real, legitimate, well-known, oh-hey-she's-the-one-who-wrote-that-book, PUBLISHED author. And all the things that go with it, too -- pitching books, having a Goodreads Author profile, seeing my name on the cover of my very own novel.

    The other night I was sitting by my fireplace, fiddling around with my writing notebook (aka the notebook in which I record all the crazy ideas I have before I somehow try to turn them into books) and I was thinking about someday when I'm a published author, what my author bio will look like. Just for fun, I made up a few. I actually had a great time coming up with these, and was so tickled with them that I wanted to show somebody -- and really, what else do I have this blog for, if not to bombard you with all my nonsense?


Possible Author Bios
{written by the Author Herself because she is Simply That Clever}

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emma Jane Anderson is a young writer whose chief interests include making up unlikely stories, prancing through fields of wildflowers, tormenting her cat, and laughing probably more than she should. She writes and laughs and creates her own brand of mischief from her home in New York State, where the violets bloom in March.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emma Jane Anderson was born good but has grown steadily worse every year since. She has written many stories but for some reason continues to come up with more ideas. She lives, writes and laughs in New York State, where Benedict Arnold betrayed the American Army.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emma Jane Anderson loves sunshine, cats, books, and westerns, and tries to get as much of them as she can. When she's not writing you can most likely find her reading or engaging in some sort of potentially dangerous venture. She lives for popcorn and ideas and plans on writing until all the stories in her head are used up, which she expects will be never. She resides in New York State.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jane Andrews is the pen name of Emma Jane Anderson, a young writer, historian and fairly odd person who makes her home with her family and seven rabbits in New York State. If you asked her why she writes the way she does, she will have no answer for you, so don't ask.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emma Jane Anderson has been penning stories since she was knee-high to a grasshopper and hopes she is only getting better at it. Her first novel, June Darling, won the Richard Peck Award for Most Unlikely Story in 2016. She has an extreme fondness for quirky movies and quirky people and is always pleased to meet anyone as unusual as herself. She lives in New York State.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


33 comments:

  1. I love to second one!
    "Emma Jane Anderson was born good but has grown steadily worse every year since." How clever! Keep on keeping on Emma, your writing puts a smile on my face!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the second one is my favorite, too. ;-P Thanks so much! That makes me happy.

      Delete
  2. These are fun! I think the second one is my favorite. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Bethany! So nice to have you drop by. ;-)

      Delete
  3. LOL!!!!!! I laughed so hard at how you said you are steadily growing worse every year. XD Oh too funny!!!!

    I also noticed your new profile picture. ;) So cute!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee. Yeah, that's a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird, and I've always liked it. ;-P

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  5. HAHHA. I LOVE THESE ALL. Become published already. (Number TWO though. Psttttt.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. I really should, shouldn't I? (I know, I thought you'd like that one.)

      Delete
  6. Oh, Emma... ;) This made me smile SO much. If you could video my face as I read your blog posts, you'd probably find it most amusing, hehe.

    I know all about writing up fake author bios - I've done that before, or if not on paper, definitely in my head! ;)

    These are all so GOLD. Sorry if it's a little mean to say this, but I giggled at every single one of them. ;D Just, your humour is so SPOT ON. I love your sense of humour. *high-five* (Seriously, my mum came in and read them too, and were both laughing far too loudly, since everyone else is in bed. :P) When I read the first part 'written by the Author Herself because she is Simply That Clever' I rubbed my hands with glee and thought, 'this is gonna be good' (in Dori (off Finding Nemo)'s voice, of course). I was not disappointed. ;) They all made me think, 'I don't know any other girl like this one'. The lines 'tormenting her cat', 'where the violets bloom in March', 'was born good but has steadily grown worse', 'she lives, writes and laughs in New York State, where Benedict Arnold betrayed the American Army', 'Jane Andrews' (?! Haha! Never thought about that one!) all made me laugh rather loudly. But the cherry on top, the one that had me squealing, 'gosh, I love this girl!' was the 'Her first novel, June Darling, won the Richard Peck Award for Most Unlikely Story in 2016.' OHHH EMMA. ;D You're too cool.

    Oh, I wonder if I'm a quirky person... do you think I'm quirky? :P I can't decide. The fact that I painted my nails bright gold sparkles, danced in the rain today, sang 'That's Rich!' at the top of my lungs while washing up, and literally squealed and laughed and danced in the kitchen after ringing up the library and booking in "Belle" has me thinking I might possibly be quirky after all...
    ~Miss Meg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Miss Meg -- I have no doubt I would find it very amusing. ;-P I'm glad you found these amusing! Believe me, I had fun making them up. Aww, shucks, you're so sweet.

      Ummmmm, I think you're pretty quirky. You must be somewhat quirky, seeing as we're friends. But don't worry -- quirky is synonymous with "awesome". (Most people just don't know it.)

      P.S. OHHHH AND BELLE!!! YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH IT!!!! THAT'S EXCITING.

      Delete
  7. This was fun, Emma. :) Thanks for sharing these with us. Honestly, they were very well-written. And I hope you do become a published author someday! That would be AWESOME! :D

    ~Miss March

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Well, I think it would be awesome -- it is my dearest wish. ;-)

      Delete
  8. These are cute!! I think my favorite is the second one--"where Benedict Arnold betrayed the American Army." Ha. HA. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know why I came up with that. I was trying to think of signifying things that have happened in NY, and that was the first thing that popped into my head.

      Delete
  9. I keep telling my Mom, if I get my book printed (when it's done O-o) that I want to put myself as a Goodreads author...haha.
    -Mic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dream of being a Goodreads author too. It would be just so COOL. :-) I hope we both get to be!!!

      Delete
  10. The one about Benedict Arnold amused me greatly, most especially because I mentioned Jesse James in my bio for Rooglewood Press, just because who isn't interested in Jesse James? (If you're not famous yourself, mention someone famous in your bio and pretend you're famous, huh?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really?! That's awesome! (Yeah, right?)

      Delete
  11. HAHA! I like the third one best '...so don't ask'. :)

    -The Girl with the Gold Pen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps it was a bit cheeky of me. ;-P I'm glad you liked it.

      Delete
  12. Haha, these made me laugh! (And not in a "oh, these are ridiculous way.) They were clever and funny! I like the last one the best. Maybe you should have a mini author biography at the end of every book, so readers can read all of these!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Abby. Haha, there's an idea....but we don't want people to think I'm too weird, do we. ;-P

      Delete
  13. Ohhh, these are so good and FUN! You've inspired me to start coming up with my own author bio ideas.I tried one once, and it was so boring. :P
    I think my two favorites of yours are the first two. The second is so unconventional and fun-but the first is so lovely. I think I like that one best. :)

    ps. Your new header is BEAUTIFUL!

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOVED this. They made me giggle, especially that second one " . . .where Benedict Arnold betrayed the American Army." The last one's my favorite I think :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rosie! I was giggling writing them. ;-P Yeah, I don't know where the Benedict Arnold thing came from, but I'm glad you think it's funny.

      Delete
  15. I love these! You should put these at the end of every blogpost. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, girly! That is an idea -- I do like it when people do that. Maaaaybe, once I get to be famous. ;-)

      Delete
  16. Hehe, I loved the first two! And lace curtains are so ELEGANT. This was super fun to read!:)

    ~Rilla Blythe

    ReplyDelete

I'd love it if you'd drop me a line or two! I always enjoy receiving comments from readers and friends. I ask that you please keep your comments clean and God-honoring, and please don't write anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to read. Also, if you are commenting under anonymous, please do leave your name (or some sort of moniker so that you aren't totally nameless). Thank you so much and have a lovely day!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...