Saturday, December 12, 2015

Dear Snow...

nature-planet: Snowy sunburst vertical | tina_bonner_photography:

     Dear Snow,

        I write this to lay before you a very urgent request which I feel the need to express. I hope you will oblige me by considering the following.

     I was very patient all through November. I accepted the sixty-degree weather with a smile and said nothing, even when you failed to show up by the end of the month. But it's December now -- you know, that month when there's supposed to be snow on the ground and in the air, making everything festive and gorgeous. I held back and didn't complain, lest you think me ungrateful, but it's time now. Time to get down to business.

     I know everyone around here always complains about the snow. Those people are all loving it right now, pretending they're down south and saying over and over again how nice it is that the snow has held off this long. Well, I'll tell you something -- if I hear someone gloat over what nice weather we're having ONE MORE TIME I will combust into a million angry little pieces. You will see angry little pieces of me by the side of the road, and you'll know what happened.

Our #fluffy friends take to the #snow in this adorable #winter photo album.:

     Don't these people get it? Don't they see that snow is beautiful? Don't they know that without it, the whole Christmas season just isn't the same? I know, I know -- it's the driving, they say. The slippery roads, the ice, the bad visibility. Listen up; I have a solution for that. Here it is: if the weather's really THAT bad, stay in your house. That's what I read in the driver's manual. No, really. Page 126.

     That's why we live here in the north -- to experience all the seasons. And in winter that means S-N-O-W. Only the hardy thrive up here, and we like it that way. If you don't like it, go move to California. Chances are I won't miss you.

This is probably in my city but I'm hoping for an unforgettable moment like this where I can play some swing music and kiss a snowflake:

          Mr. Snow -- Your Whiteness -- you're a natural part of life. You are a tradition. I look forward to you every year. (And then when you come I look forward to you leaving...that's the kind of relationship we have going.) For the amount of breath people waste complaining about snow, we really don't get a lot of you. I mean, we've had a green Christmas for about four years now. I don't like it -- I repeat, I do not like green Christmases. It's not that you make Christmas, exactly -- but you do have bearing. A Christmas without snow is not a New York Christmas. I don't want to walk outside and feel like I'm in Florida. I want to feel the cold, feel the bite, the snap of the wind, breathe the freezing air, shiver in my coat. 

     (Did I mention that it's been so warm lately I haven't even needed to wear a coat? That's right. I've worn it anyway, of course, because I'm a stubborn Northerner and it's winter and you wear coats in winter, DUH.) 

1 - Oh the weather outside is frightful, But the fire is so delightful, And since we've no place to go. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!:

     I'm trying to be polite, Mr. Snow. I understand you're very busy and have other places to be, like Alaska and Russia and Canada and Greenland. But couldn't you swing by and drop us a little bit? I'm not asking for a lot -- just a few inches or so would do just fine. Or a foot, or three. However much you can spare. I'll even pay the extra shipping to have it here by Christmas. (Wait, do you have to pay shipping for snow? I've never received it on demand before, so I don't know how this works.)

Reminds me of growing up in Boone, NC:

     I realize there are lots of people praying for you to hold off, but I'm praying for you to come in full force. I think you'll understand that this is for the greater good of humanity, especially when I give you a few simple reasons why:

  • Snow makes everything look prettier. All the fields and leafless trees look so wet and lifeless and glum and boring this time of year. If only you'd come, they'd all look happy and cheerful and bright again. Bear this in mind.
  • Snow is what people around her expect in December. Without you, we don't know how to respond. That's why people keep saying it's so great there's no snow -- they can't complain, because you're not here, and they have to say SOMETHING. Secretly, they're lost without you.
  • Snow puts people in a conscious Christmassy mood. With snow everywhere, you know it's Christmas cause it looks like Christmas and it feels like Christmas and it just IS CHRISTMAS. (Do you get the point, or shall I rainbow-curve that one by you again?)
  • The Christmas lights in people's yards look bare. And stupid. And lonely. HAVE PITY.
  • My cat Oliver keeps tracking mud into the house. What does this have to do with you, you ask? Well, if you came and froze the ground and covered it with snow, he wouldn't track any more mud on the floors.
  • Snow is romantic. Those people who make marriage proposals on Christmas Eve? They want snow falling down. It adds so much to the ambiance.
  • I need more practice driving in the snow. Yes, that's right. I'm probably the only person in the entire US who actually wants to drive in the snow.

10 Photos of Winter Landscapes ~ 10. A Light in the Darkness. Beautiful Christmas Tree on a Snowy Evening / Winter Landscapes. 9. Neuschwanstein Castle, Schwangau, Germany 8. A winter view on the Plitvice Lakes in Croatia 7. Beautiful winter 6. Cold winter in Sweden  5. Looks amazing on the Snow Train, Wernigerode, Germany 4. Flocons de Paris, France in winter 3. Night Lights of Telluride,…:

     Have I convinced you? I hope you see my point. We've got to have a white Christmas; we've just got to. So stop beating around the bush and start beating on the bush, and the fields, and the rooftops, and the trees and the stupid blow-up Christmas decorations in people's yards. We need you.

     Please please please.

     Hoping you will hear my plea and grace us with your white presence soon,

                               ~Emma Jane Anderson

P.S. I'm not completely crazy. I only sound like I am.


  1. I feel you, girl. I live in Tennessee, y'know. So rest assured. I FEEL YOU.

    Just got back from watching Newsies. Utterly blown away and flabbergasted by the awesomeness. Stand by for an exceedingly fangirly review on Naomi's blog sometime this week. ;)


  2. Hahaha. I loved this. "I'm not completely crazy. I only sound like I am." AMEN, sister! I am totally with you. I NEED SNOW!! We haven't even been having COOL weather. No cold, but NOT EVEN COOL. Just warm and windy and rainy and BLECH!! I mean to say, it's DECEMBER!!!!

    P.S. WE SAW NEWSIES!!!!!!!!!! I was so sad that all of you lovely blogging friends couldn't come with us. BUT - tomorrow we are going to write a GREAT post on it and send it to Naomi. Be on the lookout for it!!!

    1. Rosie, I know! It's just ridiculous. This is WINTER. The weather needs to get with the program.

      YAY! I'm sure it was amazing. :-) I'm really looking forward to your post about it!!!

  3. So, we probably shouldn't talk about the snow we're getting in other parts of the country? :)

    1. No, you probably shouldn't. It will only make me jealous. ;-P

  4. Oh, this is such a cute post, Emma. I LOVE it! There were so many parts that made me smile. :) "You will see angry little pieces of me by the side of the road, and you'll know what happened." Haha. "I'll even pay the extra shipping to have it here by Christmas." You're so right, Christmas is much more festive with snow on the ground. We went somewhere Christmas Eve night a few years ago and there was snow falling, and it was SO wonderful. It was like being in a movie where everyone is hurrying off to their Christmas parties with snow falling picturesquely all around them. Unforuntately, we seem to have more green Christmases than white Christmases where we live, and it looks like it's going to be another green one this year. It's been uncommonly warm lately. I haven't even started wearing my winter coat yet.

    "The Christmas lights in people's yards look bare. And stupid. And lonely. HAVE PITY." (Hahaha! The "HAVE PITY" part. Just. Funny.) Okay, I guess I'm going to have to paste your entire post in the comment section because there were too many parts I liked. Heehee. Just kidding. But really..."...stop beating around the bush and start beating on the bush..." Haha! "...and the fields, and the rooftops, and the trees and the stupid blow-up Christmas decorations in people's yards." Hahaha! That part had me laughing inwardly. :D This was great, Emma!

    ~Miss March

    1. I'm glad you find amusement in my nuttiness, Miss March. :-) I know -- white Christmases are SO special!

  5. Oh dear, you're having this "problem" too?!? It's the same here! No snow, hardly any cold weather...makes you wonder if God has a purpose behind all this! ;)

    1. Really! I don't know. Maybe there's a reason!

  6. I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH. :-)))) I grinned the whole way through, Emma.

    "Did I mention that it's been so warm lately I haven't even needed to wear a coat? That's right. I've worn it anyway, of course, because I'm a stubborn Northerner and it's winter and you wear coats in winter, DUH."

    Same, you know!!! Same right here in Belgium. *I* haven't had a white Christmas as long as I can remember and OH HOW I BURN FOR ONE. :-)

    *glares at Mr Snow* COME. YOU IDIOT.

    ~ Naomi

    1. I grinned the whole way writing it. ;-) Ah, I'm glad we share this struggle. It makes it so much easier to bear.

  7. Replies
    1. I know, aren't they? I take no credit for any of them -- Pinterest, y'know. ;-P

  8. I feel your pain...Though I usually don't get snow in December it is still so pretty when it happens and lightens up everything!

    And it's to warm to wear a coat? The horror!! I too have had a perfectly good and new winter coat lying around for ages just waiting to be used, but it keeps on being to hot to wear it! What is wrong with winter this year?

    Really funny post, though!

  9. Mad sassy 😆 best post yet

  10. Oh my land! This is perfect! I 100% agree and even though I don't have a cat named Oliver and am not particularly anxious about driving in snow, I agree with everything sledding and snowman building! This was a really clever post Emma, I loved it! <3

  11. I know exactly what you mean! We have a white Christmas about half the time here, but we always have some snow in December--not this year! It's really sad, and I think that's also why people haven't been super Christmas-y least it seems that way to me. No one's excited!

  12. I felt like shaking my fist in agreement every single word of this! These are my thoughts EXACTLY, except you wrote them out so nicely (and hilariously, which may or may not be a word).Ugh, it's just so hard. What if there is no snow on Christmas? What is that even like? *shudders* I'm praying with you!

  13. EMMA! AMEN to this ENTIRE post!
    We had such a beautiful snow awhile back around Thanksgiving and it snowed a little yesterday ( I suppose I shouldn't complain then, since you've had no snow) -but it's all melting away now! It's supposed to be 50-something for Christmas and I've been praying for a White Christmas-esque miracle to occur on Christmas Eve. Pllleeassee. I want snow for Christmas!
    I will start praying for you, too. :) heehee I hope you get some SOON!

    This was a wonderfully witty post, by the way. Great job!

  14. Is this a petition? Because I would add my signature at the bottom of it.

    (There are few things more aggravating to a Northeasterner who loves snow than hearing other Northeasterners complaining about snow. I'm glad you and I at least agree on this topic.)

  15. I loved this post but....but.....WE NEVER GET SNOW AT CHRISTMAS. *wails* It's so sad!! Well, I can't say Australia in general doesn't get snow at Christmas because that's not true...a relative of ours recently went on a trip down south of Australia and it was snowing there! In summer! We just don't get snow where we live. Our Christmases are normally hot. We've even had Christmas when it's over 40 degrees Celsius (which is 104 degrees Fahrenheit, apparently)! Anyway, I'll calm down now. No, really, I can be quite calm if I want to be. ;-P I just wish it would snow in summer. For me. Just for Christmas day. That would be really nice. Just once. So I could know what it feels like.
    ~Miss Meg

    1. No snow ever? I feel you, dear! Wow, I guess I should be grateful it's not 104 degrees here! (I don't think it's ever been that hot in New York state. I think I would collapse and die if it were.) We had some snow a few days ago, but sadly it's all melted now....and I don't think we'll be having any for Christmas. :-( Oh well! We'll have fun anyway!

  16. I could not agree more. I am craving snow like nobody knows. Last night it was raining ever so softly (which is unusual for our winters. Usually our rain is more like a waterfall), and I thought it was snow for a split second. It's certainly cold enough... Oh well, I'm hoping by some miracle that I will wake up to a white Christmas. *crosses fingers*


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