Sunday, September 20, 2015

Do you ever wish...


     ...that your life could just stay the same? That you'd never have to grow up and take charge? I do.

     I wish life was just golden cornfields and fall sunshowers. I wish I could spend my days romping around in mud boots and reading shivery-good books for as long as I want to. I wish nothing unpleasant would ever happen to me, and I could feel sure of being kept safe all the time. I wish I could do what I like without being bothered. I wish I didn't have to worry about getting older, being responsible, caring what people think of me. I would love to throw care to the sou'westerly wind.

     I want to go out in the middle of a cornfield with a good book and stay there for hours, with no one knowing where I am. I'd catch the breeze on my face and watch out of the corner of my eye as the afternoon wears, turning over into evening. I'd ignore everything else and stay in my own little cozy, apple-cider world where it's just me -- no one else.

    I wish stories would breathe themselves into words, onto paper, without me having to do the work. If only I could describe everything I feel. If only words were like autumn leaves, twirling around in the air, engulfing you in beauty without your even asking for it.

     I wish I could know that my home will always be there. Every crack and crumble of it -- the old silo foundation behind the barn, the bridge over the creek, the mailbox with the door that falls off. I wish time wasn't so ruthless. I wish nothing would have to change.

   
   
     I wish I wouldn't have to change. I wish I could still be a little girl, so I could carry my Millie Keith doll around with me everywhere. I wish I could talk to good-looking boys without feeling silly. I wish I could watch Barbie movies and eat pretzel sticks and not have to worry about how much work I'm getting done. I wish I could laugh at the world and not try to be a part of it.

     I wish life was simple and happy and gay. And I wish all good things would last forever.

     But I suppose there are a few things that do.

36 comments:

  1. Oh, Emma--I know exactly how you feel :) Specially since I'm graduating college next spring (gulp).

    I guess we just have to trust that God will help us map out our future the way He wants it :)

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    1. It's a little frightening. ;-P But there is always God, and He's always up for it, even we feel we're totally not!

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  2. Oh Emma dear! Yes, I too feel this way at times! *sigh*...how simply delighful it would be to have no cares in the world and just enjoy life! But then...we wouldn't be in need of the lovingkindness of our Father in Heaven, I suppose... It is in the stressful, troublesome times when our closest friend is Jesus and oh! I would go through anything simply to have that blessed assurance! What a comfort to know that, even when we have many cares and worries, He loves us and knows it all! But, sweet friend! How I enjoyed your lovely post! May your week be beautiful and special...just like you!
    Hugs!

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement, Kelly-Anne! I'm always happy to have you visit my blog. :-) And yes, I can agree -- we often feel Jesus most in the hardest times. I wish it wasn't so, but that's the way of life here on earth.
      You have a lovely week too! :-)

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  3. Wow. That was beautiful. And very relatable. *sigh* I very much wish life would be simpler and safer and always happy…but I suppose it isn't because if it was, we'd never want to leave it, and God is saving the eternal joy for us in Heaven. (Well, technically, I didn't suppose that first; C. S. Lewis did.)

    Oh, and Barbie movies. Yes. I *cough* still watch those. Frequently;)

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    1. Haha. I wrote it because I kind of had to. :-) Yes, that's true -- if life was all hunky-dory, we'd never want to leave earth. It's just so hard to remember that sometimes, as earth is all I know right now. Thank goodness God is merciful with even my smallest little struggles!

      You watch Barbie movies TOO?!?! We must talk. Which ones have you seen?

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    2. HECK YES I WATCH BARBIE MOVIES!!!! We definitely must talk. Okay, so, I've seen 'The Magic of Pegasus,' 'The Princess and the Pauper,' 'Rapunzel,' 'Swan Lake,' 'Fairytopia,' 'Mermaidia,' 'The Diamond Castle,' 'The Nutcracker,' 'The Island Princess,' aaaaaaannddd...I feel like there are more but I forget. (Oh, have you watched any of the TV series 'Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse'? I watched some a while back and it cracked me up. It's basically lightly mocking the "Barbie culture", but it's really quite clever at times:D) What about you?

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    3. Okay, I'm sorry it took me so long to reply to your comment! I DO want to talk about Barbie movies. :-) I've seen The Magic of Pegasus, The Nutcracker, Swan Lake, Fairytopia, Rapunzel, The Princess and the Pauper, The Island Princess, The Twelve Dancing Princesses....hmmm, what else? I think that's all. My favorites are Rapunzel and The Princess and the Pauper. Sadie and I still break into 'I'm Just Like You' on occasion -- we learned the harmony years ago. :-D

      I also really love The Magic of Pegasus -- when I was younger I started writing what I supposed to be a young-adult fantasy book which which was, in fact, largely based on that movie! ;-D

      Haha, no, I've never watched that! It sounds hilarious. ;-P

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    4. No problem!:D

      Oh, I want to see The Twelve Dancing Princesses! I had this junior novelization that I really liked reading;) Rapunzel was my first, and it has a special place in my heart:) Oh! "There's somewhere else we'd rather be/Somewhere that's ours/Somewhere that dreams come true/Yes, I am a girl like yooooouuuu!" :D I really like the song Erika sings that the made into a choral piece at the end, "And you're always free to begin again/And you're always free to beliiiieeeeeve!!!"

      I can never decide for sure which one is my favorite, it changed all the time! But the three you mentioned are definitely three of my favorites. (Aiden, though!!! <3) Haha! That sounds like a pretty awesome young-adult-fantasy book!;)

      It is! It cracked me up way too much.

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    5. My sister got The Twelve Dancing Princesses for Christmas one year, and we were all freaking out because we thought it would be so good...then we watched it, and we didn't like it very much. It was years ago so I don't remember why. I do like the story though!

      I love that song tooooo!!! Gosh, all the songs in that one are so gorgeous. What's the one Erika sings in the bath? To the cat? I used to know it, but I can't think of how it goes at the moment....

      AIDEN. Yes. :-D

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  4. Yes, I sometimes feel like this :)

    But more often than not, I find myself WISHING that I could grow up, find someone *perfect* and *awesome* to marry, and be a mother to many many children. So . . . yeah :D

    Oh, I love what you said there:
    "I wish stories would breathe themselves into words, onto paper, without me having to do the work. If only I could describe everything I feel."
    This is sooooo me, like, every day. Really, those are the things I wish - it's because I am a writer, I suppose ;)

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    1. Rosie, I find myself wishing that too sometimes -- dreaming about my theoretical 'husband', my future home, my future life....it's lovely to think on. :-) Then other times, I just want to curl up in a blanket and stop the passage of time, so I can enjoy what's here now for as long as I want to. *sigh* The struggles of growing up!

      Yup. It's because we're writers. :-)

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    2. Yes . . . I know! I mean, when I look at myself and realize that I'm a senior in high school and will be going to college next year *gasp* - then I definitely don't want to grow up! It's hard . . . Upon my Sam, it's a little hard :D

      Yop. I guess so :)

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  5. This was beautiful, Emma. Simply beautiful. Your descriptions are amazing. "Little cozy apple-cider world". Aww. I like that.

    "I wish stories would breath themselves into words, onto paper, without me having to do the work. If only I could describe everything I feel. If only words were like autumn leaves, twirling around in the air, engulfing you in beauty without your even asking for it." Wow. That is so spot on to how I feel sometimes. There are some feelings that are so deep and so beautiful you feel like they just HAVE to come out...and yet it's so hard to find the right words. I guess that's probably something we writer's will always struggle with.

    Anyway, I think you definitely found the right words for this post. It gave me a scrumptiously nostalgic feeling. By the way, does fall make you feel nostalgic? Because it certainly makes me feel so.

    ~Miss March

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    1. Miss March, you have no idea how happy it makes me when someone quotes my phrases. :-D

      Does fall make me nostalgic? Oh MY YES. Probably more than any other time. (You'd noticed, had you? Haha.) It makes me want to crawl inside a Tasha Tudor book and live there.

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    2. Well, they were so quotable...I just had to! ;) I'm so happy it made you happy! :D

      I know. There's just something about that tangy fall air. It gives me joyous little chills. :)

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  6. Oh, Emma, why do your posts have to be so wonderful? :-P I feel like you know exactly what I'm feeling right now. This year has been the hardest I've ever had and that's all because of one word: change. For some reason, no body likes changes! It always seems as if the old ways were always the RIGHT ones. Everything you said in here I could nod my head to, so there's no need for me to say more. I'd basically restate your words. :-) Only one thing more - you said few good things stay forever. That is so true. The greatest thing we have stays forever, though - love. True, genuine love. I know some friends sometimes leave us and perhaps stop 'loving' us, perhaps even some families do too, but Jesus never stops loving us. It's SUCH a comfort to know we will forever be loved by Him. Everything in life seems to become less strenuous and stressful when we remember that simple fact. I know I often forget it, for some ridiculous reason, and don't realize so much pain I could have saved myself, if I only reminded myself of it. Oh, and another thing - your house is beautiful. ;-)
    ~Miss Meg

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    1. Miss Meg -- amen. :-) Real, honest love stays on forever -- the kind of love that can only come from Jesus. It is such a comfort.

      Actually, that picture is from the back door of our barn. Is that what you meant by my 'house'?

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    2. Oh, hehe, yes, that's what I meant when I said 'house'. I just meant "the place you live in" as in, the general area of house and yard and whatnot. :-D It's purty.
      ~Meg

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  7. This is sniffingly beautiful, Emma. You have such a wayyyy.

    "I wish stories would breathe themselves into words, onto paper, without me having to do the work." YES YES YES. AMEN SISTER.

    I hardly ever TALK to good-looking boys. All the boys nowadays are ugly because of their awful hairstyles, in my opinion. ;-P

    I do like to embrace change, but I so relate with this post. Sometimes just want time to stop. But I'm also super excited for the future and for what God has in store for me. :-)

    ~ Naomi

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    1. *sniffles* Thanks, Naomi. :-D

      Well, dear, I don't talk to many good-looking boys either. That's probably why I often feel uncomfortable when I actually do!

      I know you like to embrace change -- and that's good. That's admirable. :-) I try. But my nature just wants to hold on to things, and more often than not I find myself wishing life could stay the way it is right now. But...it can't. Strangely, that's one of the most beautiful things about life. ;-) I'm trying to learn to embrace change gracefully! (Like the Crawley's...sorry, we were watching Downton the other night.) ;-P

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    2. WAIT. DON'T TELL ME YOU STARTED SEASON SIX WITHOUT ME. :-O

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    3. NO! FEAR NOT! I would never do such a thing! (Because it comes out there before it comes out here, haha.) We were watching some of season 3 again. Tom was wonderful. :-)

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  8. The emotions in this post.
    I know exactly how that is.

    I think when we are all old women we will be still saying the same things, that our lives will be so blessed by children and grandchildren, and when we sit on the front porch with our worn hands we'll just think "I don't want to get any older." And the words of unwritten stories in our brains will still wish to be written because we had not had time throughout our lives to scribble down our little stories...
    and then we'll go to heaven.
    And we won't have to speak those words for them to be written.
    We will barely have to think the words for them to be into being.

    At least, I hope so.
    =)

    Great post Emma!
    (If sad, very sad, beautifully sad.)
    ~Jess

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    1. Jess, that's a beautiful way to think of it. :-) Thanks for your comment!

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  9. I know exactly how you feel Emma. I am feeling like that right now. Only it's kinda complicated. I want it to change, but then again I don't want it to.

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  10. You've just described my entire adolescence.

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    1. Yup, spent all my teen years refusing to grow up, digging in my heels and only grudgingly taking steps toward adulthood as I was forced to by my parents (driver's license, job, college applications, and so on). Happily, I've learned that as long as you keep the desire to play and lots of curiosity and imagination within yourself, you can be an adult without being a grown-up.

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  11. This was a beautiful post. Like Hamlette, I remember feeling this way when I was about your age but not really any more. I've discovered that experiences are beautiful, and I love the feeling of something new being added to my life and my personality. The good things have made me happier, and the bad things have helped me to understand the world and other people a bit better. I know I sound old saying this, but whatever. Also, don't worry about boys and movies. I didn't meet the right person until I stopped caring about the impression I left and just focused on being myself. And I watch more "kids" movies now than I did when I was a kid! So, follow a good mixture of your heart and brain (always listening for God's guidance), and you'll do just fine. ;)

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    1. Thank you, Hannah! Yes, certainly experiences are beautiful (you know what Rhett Butler says: "Never pass up new experiences, Scarlett. They enrich the mind."). I'm learning that, but I still have my daunting moments. :-) Thanks for your encouragement.

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  12. Oh, Emma, I can totally relate. It was hardest a few years ago-I was turning 15 and it actually made me very upset how fast my childhood seemed to be slipping away. I can still get a little sad and nostalgic sometimes, but have learned to appreciate the life God has me living right now-that I shouldn't always be yearning for the past. I wouldn't truly want to always be stuck in the past anyways. Although....it would be nice to visit. ;)

    Now that I've been doing more "grown up" things lately, it's still nice to look back and remember all the sweet things I did "back then". Plus, I love meeting little kids and being reminded how I used to be just like them! I think it's good to hang out with kids--it helps you remember how to relate to them, and it brings out the little kid in you. :)

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  13. Yes! I do feel this way often. :) Sometimes I wish I could just run barefoot down through our field blowing dandelions and letting my hair blow in the breeze...*sigh* Growing up isn't always what we want, but it's coming and we can't stop it. You can always be young at heart though, right? ;)

    Oh, Emma! I thought of you the other day! My family and I are on vacation and the other day we came past a place where part of "Dancing with Wolves" was filmed! My little bro is a Kevin Costner fan, as well and...yeah! Anyway, I thought of you and your love of westerns. :)

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    1. Faith -- yes, we can certainly always be young at heart! :-) Thanks goodness for that, because I think I probably will be.

      You did?!? *freaks out* Oh my goodness!!! THAT IS SO NEAT!!! It's in South Dakota, right? A friend of mine has visited the place where they filmed part of it, so it might be the same one. Wow! And I'm tickled that you thought of me. :-)

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