Saturday, March 8, 2014

Helpful Fashion Tips from the Gentlemen of Period Drama


     A handy guide of fashion tips and guidelines taken from the advice, examples, and mistakes of the gentlemen of period drama. Read and learn, my friends. Read and learn.

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    #1. Cravats are a delicate subject and must be done properly, or else one might end up looking completely ridiculous and be the laughing stock of the aristocracy. (For any and all advice on the subject we suggest that you defer to the one and only Sir Percy Blakeney, as his knowledge of cravats continues to this day to be unparalleled.) They must not be too limp, wrinkled, or gaudy, and polka dots are strongly discouraged.


    This is entirely unacceptable. 



  #2  When dining at Downton Abbey, one must always look amazing. It is not a good idea to come down to dinner wearing a dinner jacket when you know that your very old-fashioned and opinionated mother, who is nearly always in attendance, will disapprove. You may as well come down wearing your bathrobe; or better still, pajamas.



   #3 It is a truth universally acknowledged that all officers in His Majesty's Royal Navy must look amazing at all times. Seriously, it's got to be written somewhere in the Articles of War.






   #4 If  you are a loyal young cowhand raised by a bunch of cranky old men (who are not exactly the best of influences, *cough cough*) and you find yourself on a cattle drive headed for Montana, don't be surprised when the only hat that's left for you to wear is an old wrinkled cast-off thing that doesn't even hardly look like a cowboy hat. No Texas cowboy should have to wear a hat like that, but don't worry, the audience doesn't care. They just love you because you're Ricky Schroder.




   #5 Few things flatter any man so much as a buckskin jacket and a coonskin cap. Take our word for it.




    However, putting an entire bears' head atop your own is a bit much. And besides, it can be very intimidating to other people. It's just downright scary.



  #6. Red is a very attractive color for coats and such and is especially popular among the young. However, if you are a young doctor who has just arrived in a new (and rather peculiar) town and you wish to be taken seriously, it is thought best by older veterans of the profession to buy a black coat. Just take care that you don't start wearing it at a very crucial time, such as just after an accident, or else people might thing someone has died.


   #7. We're not exactly sure what these leather wrist things are called, but we recommend them (as well as the rest of the entire ensemble. Although be warned, you might get a lot of fan mail.)



   #8. If you are the Chief Inspector at Scotland Yard, it is part of your duty to always look cool and professional. You must always wear a long trench coat and that smart little brown hat. Yes, even when you're on holiday.


   #9. One of the requirements for riding with the James gang is that your must always look completely awesome. You must wear a cowboy hat (well, DUH) and one of those long leather duster coats that tend to make the ladies swoon (take note, this style of dress may also make you get lots of fan mail). Bandanas are optional. This is a bank robbery, not a cattle drive.



  #10. Wigs are nice and all and have their proper place, but trust us when we say that you will always look better with your natural hair.


    Although you will still look amazing wearing a wig, of course. We certainly didn't mean that your wouldn't.




#11. If you are a young naval officer whose presence has been requested and required at dinner by some very important people and you find out that to your dismay your best stockings are too big, do not think that stuffing them with pads of oakum (whatever that is) will make them look better. Go ask Mr. Bracegirdle if he has an extra pair-- he's always willing to lend clothes (although in this case, his stockings may be even bigger.)

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4 comments:

  1. Bwahahahaha! Rhetts cravat is... *thinks of proper word* ... interesting. Yes, well he still looks handsome.
    Oh Emmie (sorry, did I call you Emmie? Oh really, forgive me!) anyways, EMMA, can you imagine Robert Crawley eating his dinner in his pyjamas? And Violet with her belaced and beribboned nighty? And Cora wearing a nightcap? (Giggles unladylikely)
    Goodness, yes those Royal Navy men look amazing. I've never seen that movie (yes, I know you're saying, "Oh you SHOULD." I know I should. ;))
    Heehee that bear-man on that horse looks downright scary. Yes I haven't watched that one either- yesyes I know you recommend it, sweetie. (People who are reading this comment: I am teasing Emma a little.)
    :)
    Yes Red IS an attractive colour! (Oh look, the officers! Yes I was quoting P&P)
    Those leather wrists are... special (although I would write a fan mail- I'm not that fond of them.)
    Well, well, well (three holes in the ground) (got it?) (sorry I'm being so silly)
    Well anyways it was a very lovely post!!
    Tata and see you soon my dear!

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  2. I really enjoyed this post, Emma! I love the way you put all those tips together. Most are really quite amusing. My favourites are the ones from Hornblower, Amazing Grace, and Cranford! Priceless!

    ~Sarah
    http://ofsimplethings-sarah.blogspot.com.au/

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  3. This post was indeed very hilarious to read, I totally laugh when I saw that Mr. with a coonskin cap oh and his very bad hair day O.o ... this made my day thank you for sharing. :)

    ReplyDelete

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